To my surprise, and I think most other people in my life, I have actually met someone here in Peru and have been seeing him for about 3 months. I swore up and down that I would not date a Peruvian, there were just too many differences and I thought it would be really hard to communicate. Well, that changed!
His name is Edgar, he is a police officer in my town, and initially I met him when I got robbed and he was helping me with a police report. But at that point we didn’t really get to know each other, he was really serious. Then, about 2 weeks later we ended up as godparents at the early childhood stimulation center opening. There, he made a lot of effort to talk to me and we had to dance a lot together. So from then on, we would run into each other and sit and talk a lot and it just evolved.
I think the first thing I really liked was that I was able to actually have a deeper conversation with someone in my site. Usually my conversations with people are “going to do your laundry?”, “it is hot today”, “do you like the food”. That is usually as far as the conversations go. No one cares about my life before Peru, let alone my name….I am usually referred to as “gringa”. So when I met Edgar, it was nice to be able to sit down and really talk to someone. The exciting part was that it came easy, my Spanish didn’t seem like a huge mess and if it was, he has the most incredible patience with me.
So fortunately, he is from the city. That has about a million advantages, because the people in my site tend to be a little rough around the edges and very traditional. He is a little more open minded and we both can laugh at the ridiculousness of the people in my town at times. He works in my town 8 days on and 8 days off. So when he is off, I usually schedule my monthly visits into the city so we can spend normal time together.
What I mean by “normal time” is that, not a single person in the city cares about whether or not we are a couple. So we can hold hands, or go on dates, and no one is looking at us. However, in my town every single person cares about whether or not we are a couple and the news of it as well as rumors spreads instantly from house to house. I don’t really care about anyone knowing about us, but I do care that they tend to make up stories that aren’t true. Even my own host family tried to say that he has a wife that lives in my site. Incredibly false, another police officer who works here does, but not him. But that simply can make both of us can look like bad people. Literally, I will be walking around town minding my own business and people will stop me and ask about my relationship with him. He has the same problem, people come to the police station just to ask if I am his girlfriend. We both tell the truth, it is better if they here it from us then their crazy neighbor, just goes to show how simple people in my town.
Recently, I went and met his family in Piura. My host family had been bugging me about this because they wanted me to be sure he didn’t have another family (meaning a wife and kids in the city), this is how crazy and untrusting they are. The visit was really scary for me, not because I believed he had a wife. First, I get nervous about meeting new Peruvians because I am afraid I will not understand them. I get really comfortable in my circle here in my site, that when new people come in I tend to worry I won’t understand their dialect or accent. So I was really worried about being surrounded by his family. Secondly, Peruvians live with their parents until they get married. So it made me think they would be even more protective of their 27 year old son. He also has 3 sisters, and being a sister myself, I know how judgmental we can be of our brother‘s girlfriends. Also, I was the FIRST girlfriend he had ever brought home, so that left me under more scrutiny. Lastly, and most importantly, I am American. This tends to be incredibly intimidating. People think they need to set up their house differently to impress me, and cook an outrageous meal they normally would not. They get more nervous then me, and I don’t like that. Plus, I am an American dating their son, and my time here in Peru has an expiration date so I thought this would be something else that worried them too. People always tell him how lucky he is that I “picked” him. Like I am some queen sitting on my throne and have my choice of anyone I want and he should feel honored that he was the one I choose. Really annoying!!!
It turned out that his family was really nice, and I understood them easily. He also didn’t leave my side because he knew how scared I was. They did pull out their nicest of nice things that day for lunch. There were also a few questions as to whether or not I was going to marry him and if I was going to take him back to the United States with me. Just a little uncomfortable, but Edgar diffused that for me and the conversation moved on. Overall it was a good day. I liked hanging out with them.
Just recently, another volunteer told me that by dating a Peruvian, that I am going to have an experience different then other volunteers that I will probably find very valuable. I agree, I am learning so much and having a lot of fun. He has helped change my experience right here in my site, definitely has become more fun having someone to spend my time with. Plus, I really like this guy, he puts my ex-boyfriends to shame. He is just way more attentive and caring, and I do not believe he has a selfish bone in his body. We will see what happens!!!
